Penny Jar

A friend once told me; “When a child is born, Christ re-enters the world.”

I looked at her and snapped, “Really? And so how many times does he have to be crucified?”

Growing up is rough. I only know a handful of people who grew up without serious trauma coming mostly from external influences; their screwed-up families, inborn addictions, sadistic teachers etc. Some of my childhood friends died at the hands of vicious people, through no fault of their own. Kids are not to blame for what happens to them.

To say that children need our protection is a serious understatement in a world gone nuts. They need us to give them security, even if we don’t feel it ourselves. But more than that, they need to feel important, loved, and free to expand on their natural potentials. Anything less is welshing on one of the most important social contracts there is; parenthood.

And i would like to suggest that there is another kind of parenthood; the kind that recognizes all children as being part of your species and therefore worthy and deserving of support. A universal parenthood, if you will, for a global tribe.

I remember way back some wacko threatening a bunch of us kids at gunpoint, and how a lone black woman i didn’t even know stood up and took this guy on verbally, saying he was going to have to go through her first if he wanted to kill us. She gave us time to run away, and taught me an invaluable lesson; that children are the collective responsibility of adults everywhere.

So that’s what i tell the huge biker guy abusing his kid in the mall when he tells me to ‘mind my own business’… i look him right back in the eye and say it IS my business, and YES, that’s my kid, too. That really chokes him up. Yeah, it’s that simple to make a difference. Bullies back down right quick when they’re called out by a peer.

So here are some of the ways you can make a difference:

Drop pennies/small toys/handmade bracelets/pairs of gloves on the midnight playground.

Offer to start a volunteer breakfast program in your local elementary school. It doesn’t need to be fancy; just some egg salad sandwiches with milk would do.

Go to your kid’s class and give a toy workshop using recycled materials. You don’t need to be an artist, the kids don’t have to worry about ruining nice materials, and you help the environment too. Best of all, the kids have something to play with that they made with their own hands, and nobody is too upset if it gets broken…after all, it was free, and they know how to make another one!

Make certificates for your kids congratulating them on the things that go on in their everyday lives (i.e., it doesn’t need to be an earth shattering event). Some suggestions: tallest Lego building in the world, counting to five all by yourself, getting yourself dressed for the very first time, playing nicely with your brother all day… etc!

Take all the toddlers you know down to a construction machinery factory outlet for a tour that they’ll never forget! The staff can really enjoy letting them sit in the cabs and pretend to drive etc.

Offer to drop off/pick up your neighbour’s kids from school when you go to get your own.

Go to your local consignment store and gradually pick up enough old gaudy stuff (top hats, opera glasses, feather boas… have fun!) to make a dress-up box, and then give it anonymously to either a poor family, the childrens’ hospital, or a family-run daycare.

Make an anonymous treasure hunt in the nearest park (you have to get up early for this one!) Plant all the clues and then watch kids go from one to the other until they find the “treasure”… candy, or neat kids’ books, etc. Don’t help, or it’ll give the game away!

If you buy a lemonade/ garage sale item/ box of Girl Guide cookies etc. from kids, pay them much more than what it’s worth (i.e. a dollar for a dime item) and refuse to take change. If they want to know why, let them know that their lemonade is the best in the world and you don’t mind paying extra for it… etc.

Offer to make your house or apartment a “safe house” for kids in the area that are left by themselves. A lot of families have both parents working, and sometimes it’s really difficult to fill in the gaps between work and school schedules, so the kids (even very young kids) are left by themselves for an hour or two before their parents come home. Being with other people can make all the difference.

Offer to help your neighbour’s kids with their homework, or to run a study group in your home with your kid and his friends.

If you see that someone is having a tough time with their screaming toddler, walk up, smile, and comment on what a beautiful child they have, complimenting them on their patience. The parent will feel better about how they’re handling things (we really should get more public support for this anyway!) and the toddler will usually be so shocked at the intervention of a stranger that they will stop their tantrum.

Go to the little convenience store across from the elementary school (you know the one) just before school lets out for the day, and buy ten dollars worth of candy for the next kids coming through the door. It’s better if you don’t stick around to watch them, because kids are very intuitive about these things and will be able to spot you right away.

If you lack the cash to do this, take your old recyclable bottles and cans and leave them outside the store. The kids can trade them for candy.

Buy up old trophies from consignment stores or garage sales, then have new cudos put on them: Best Husband, Number One Son, etc.

If you have teenaged girls in your neighbourhood (particularly the 12-14 range) teach them how to do some little basic thing like making friendship bracelets or crocheted bookmarks. They love it and best of all, exchange them with each other as keepsakes that can be treasured their whole lives. Start a new tradition!

If it’s summertime and all the parents around you are going nuts with their terminally bored kids, consider taking them off their hands for a little bit every day. Even if it’s taking toddlers out for a morning walk or giving a craft workshop for older kids (some suggestions: Making Funky Glasses, Mile-High Hats, Supercharged Paper Airplanes or Boats with Matching Paper Hats, Spanish Fans, Snowflakes, Snowglobes, I Love Mom Cards, Kaleidoscopes, Rainsticks, Windowsill Gardens). The break will be welcomed by both parties!

Again, if you’re the kind of parent who likes to sit out and watch their kids play outside after school, think about taking a platter of little sandwiches/fruit/crackers and cheese etc. outside to feed not only them, but their friends in the neighbourhood, too. Too often parents have to arrive home after dark, completely exhausted, and so pass over making a good dinner for their kids. Make sure the kids at least get some kind of snack to tide them over, right around four o’clock or so when blood sugar is really low.

Go get fabric samples from an upholstery store and use them to make quilts for kids and their moms staying in transition houses/wards/prisons. The samples are great for this as they’re all cut to the same size, and have variations on the same pattern.

Have a couple of emergency baby bags ready in case you hear of a new pregnancy. Some suggestions for contents: hand-knit baby blanket, several sleepers, a pack of newborn diapers, booties, wipe cloths, little toys, some literature on breastfeeding solutions and infant medical remedies, a small bag full of analgesic, teething gel, vaseline, diaper rash cream, and homemade gripe water (without alcohol!)… a novel for Mom to read while breastfeeding, bathstuff for relaxing, etc. And a welcoming card, of course!

Race your toddler, and lose. Any competition that they win builds their confidence in tackling new problems… especially when the competition is with someone they think the world of… you!

If you’re an elementary teacher, start an international penpal/stamp collecting club to teach geography. Make sure you keep all the entries in a big “subjective” atlas.

Teach your child to share by always dividing your food with him/her. Make it into a game. When my firstborn and i used to share a sandwich, we would pass it back and forth until we were practically splitting atoms, and giggling hilariously!

If you know of someone who is struggling with learning literacy, get them a subscription to their favourite magazine, even if it is only a comic book. Alternatively, download and print out e-books that you know they would like. Having your own copy of something to read at your own pace can really turn things around sometimes.

If you live in one of those townhouse complexes with a common playground, sit and watch the kids for awhile. Notice which kids need new jackets, pants, shoes etc. and then quietly put a wee bag of handmedowns on their doorknob later.

Stake out the apartment building parking lot. If you see a family struggling with inadequate equipment for their infants (i.e. car seats, strollers etc.), and your kids have outgrown the stuff, immediately call down and see if they’ll take it off your hands for you. Let them know they’re doing you a favour by freeing up your storage space.

Cuddle up to sleep with your young children, and see how quickly nightmares disappear. Leave a separate bed made up for them, but let them make the choice to sleep by themselves. Don’t worry – they’ll probably outgrow the need to cuddle before you do!

If you see a good deal on soccer balls, buy a couple. Leave one in the park/common playground/schoolyard and maybe one beside that ratty old ball your neighbour’s kid keeps kicking around in the street. Ditto for baseballs/basketballs etc.

Take your daughter out to lunch and give her some earrings for her first period. (This is not my idea, but i’ve forgotten where i read it, so long ago). You could make it a monthly ritual to go out for lunch just at the time when ladies most need to eat chocolate together!

If you live in a complex with a lot of smaller kids, consider building an impromptu speed bump for the rocketing roadsters who insist on doing a warp five through your neighbourhood. Just a humped line of smallish gravel will do.

There are plenty of people who stake out the bus and train stations to prey on young runaways. Start up your own stakeout and give these relatively helpless newcomers a welcome of your own! It could be as simple as a muffin and coffee with a map of the city, or you could take them into your home as guests… whatever you feel comfortable with. Having someone to talk to seems to be very high on the list of needs for these people, so as long as you have ears, you have a way of helping!

There’s always one kid who’s always by themselves, biking in circles around the complex or walking the edges of the schoolyard. Make sure you greet them cheerfully whenever you see them and ask after their health, ask them what’s up, ask them what their favourite basketball player is, whatever! small thing can bring them back into the great body of humanity. Hi-fiveing is good, too! 

Emergency hospital rooms are scary places for kids, who often get forgotten in the ongoing crisis. If you have some good clean toys that your own offspring have outgrown, consider dropping them off in the waiting room so that at least ’the littlers’ can play with something while they’re awaiting some good news.If you have some great old children’s books, why not leave them in the children’s wing of the hospital (or a children’s hospital)?

Staying quietly in bed for long periods of time can be hard for kids. Help them to occupy themselves and keep up their spirits while they get better. If you have paperwork to do in the evening, go sit with your kids while they’re doing their homework and catch up on things together. Just sitting side by side in silence can be a great way to finish off a busy day! Play Cookie Monster with your toddler when they’re feeling sad. Typical exchange: Me Cookie Monster. Will you be my cookie? ARRRR Yummmmmm yum yum yum arggggga yum yum yum (giggles) Ah! Chocolate Chip! (more giggles) Me LOVE cookies!
Be prepared, however, for Cookie Monster revenge when you’re feeling a little sad yourself and least expect to get eaten!

Is the younger kid next door going crazy with boredom?
Why not put a bag of homemade paper airplanes on the door for him to find and enjoy?

Keep a bag of goldplated pin-on hearts in your purse. (They’re not too expensive.) The next time you meet a child, introduce yourself and ask if they want to be your friend. If they agree, pin a heart on their lapel and say that you give these to all your friends, to show that you care for each other. It could end up being a lifelong keepsake!

Make up a knock/knock book of jokes for your neighbour’s preschoolers. Make it a habit to add new ones from time to time, and write down the jokes they reply with.

Has anyone read Willy Wonka? Why not buy a 10. candy coupon from a bonbon shop and wrap it up as a fabulous contest prize with gold paper and stamps etc. Put in a plain envelope with some generic inscription like: Open me! and leave it somewhere you know it will do some good… the playground, daycare stairway, school bus etc.

If you see a young child riding on public transit by themselves, be sure to sit down beside them as a deterrent to nasty people who might want to harm them.

If you see a child left alone in a shopping cart or car, stand beside them protectively until their parent/s come back. Mention quietly but firmly that the world is not a kind place and that their offspring needs their help. They will bark at you: offer support and a card with your number on it. Sometimes the seed just needs to be planted for people to reconsider their actions.

Make your house a safe haven for an abused child. Even if they have to go home to a nightmare, at least they know that the whole world is not full of violence and there is hope. Offer emotional support to the parents, even if it is just a sympathetic ear over tea.

Make a tape of you reading your kid’s favorite bedtime stories… for the next generation!

Do your kids a favour. Just when all the holiday hype seems overwhelming, take them out for a walk in the quiet, peaceful countryside. Remind them that this is the time when nature sleeps. Breathe in some good fresh air and relax.

Make up kid’s activity kit(s) to give to a family going on a long trip. The contents don’t have to be fancy: a notepad with drawing instruments, crossword/wordfind booklets, small books to read and of course, dimestore puzzles and games are good.

The next time your kids throw their casserole onto the ceiling fan and mash the rest into the carpet, use their fork to poke their sister’s eyes out and throw the plate across the room to bean their brother, smile and take them all out for a picnic. At least the birds can clean up, if you eat outside! And the ability for children to scream and leap up and down outside has such a calming effect… on the mother!

Scrape up all the pennies you can find, with your kids, and make it a point to go to the grocery store and put them in that small box by the cashier usually devoted to good causes. If your kids see you doing good, maybe they will do good, too!

Mail love letters to your kids.