Family Ties
Eliminate the words, “i told you so”, “nonsense”, and “some people….” from your vocabulary. Replace them with silence. Foolishness is obvious; it doesn’t need to be advertised.
Do remember your mother. Make her the queen of your life. Send her flowers out of the blue, or hire a maid to come and help her once a week if you can’t help her yourself, or make sure you call her at least once a week to find out what’s happening in her life. It really makes all the difference.
Is your family drifting apart? Time for a new tradition! If you don’t already have family events to fall back on, create some and make sure everybody pitches in to make it a really good get-together. Some suggestions: Roll-Yer-Own Sushi Night (lay out all the ingredients and let people make their own, then cut it up for them), Weekend Treasure Hunt, Mid-Month Mardi Gras, Almost-Friday Pizza Party, Baby’s First Step Celebration, Starwatchers Sleepout, whatever you can think of. Do you really need an excuse for a party?
If you don’t have the money to give a present, make up a couponbook of favours to be exchanged on demand. Some suggestions: free backrub, free cuppa joe, free hour of complaining without interjection or advice, that sort of thing.
The next time your spouse comes in the door from work with a big sigh, say nothing. Just get out a warm foot bath and give them the foot massage of their life!
Give a diary to that young debutante who’s just heading off to college/university. Life could alter considerably for her once she gets there, and documenting the change could be helpful. I did this just before going into art school, about 100 diaries ago! The resultant diaries have proven to be a wealth of reminiscence in my later age.
Always speak well of the dead amongst your kith and kin, even if they were the meanest old codgers you ever met. Their errors don’t matter anymore, and their kindnesses deserve to live on. Even though you can’t give them anything more, you can at least give them the gift of a good reputation.
Do something unexpected for your spouse. The list is practically endless for this one (after all, who knows better how to please your spouse, than you?) but even little things like changing a diaper or doing the dishes, gassing up the car or taking it for a tune-up when things get busy can be immensely appreciated.
Go cry with somebody. If you know someone is hurting, go sit with them. You don’t need to say much… forget the big speeches, they won’t hear them anyway. Small comments like, “The worst is over now”, or “You’re the best person i know”, are enough. Just hold their hand and cry with them awhile. It’s part of being a human being.
Be sure to take advantage of every possible opportunity to tell your spouse how smart, goodlooking, hardworking and virtuous they are, and how much you enjoy being with them.
Make a list of all the kindnesses people have shown you over the years. Some things are obvious, like the sacrifices our parents and grandparents made for us; but did you remember the little boy who returned your lost wallet, or the neighbour who took care of your cat even though she was allergic to it? etc. You may find yourself in tears. Go over these deeds often, and give thanks. And make sure you mention them often, to others. Just talking about kind deeds can lift people’s spirits… and yours.
The next time your husband seems inordinately cranky for a week, just be the silent hand that passes him his tea for awhile. Patience is so important!
The next time you’re absolutely, positively, evidently right in an argument, just smile and say you’re wrong.
This from my Granny, the Field-General of Family Closeness:
make a list of all your friends and family and get organized about keeping your relations good with them.
Drag out the calendar and mark off all the important days in their lives.
Chart out regular phone calls, letters, emails, presents.
Stake out the local card shop and have important cards at the ready, with postage.
Anticipate support and have gifts wrapped to go, complete with nametags and addresses.
And always keep an extra 20. to slip into your grandchildrens’ mail!
Bless you Granny, wherever you are. Your kindness still grows in our hearts.
Make a list of all the thorns in your soul. You know what i mean; the letters you didn’t send, the clothes you meant to give away, the lost son you always meant to catch up with. Unpluck one a day.
