Kindness to Animals
Do get involved with wildlife shelters, even if it is only for a couple of hours a week. Most of these places are horribly understaffed and underfunded, and somehow there’s nothing as moving as a terrified little creature that cannot communicate with you but needs a great deal of help.
If you are troubled by cats stalking your favourite backyard birdhouses, make a special corner just for them with dishes of catfood and hanging toys to take their minds off your dear little feathered friends.
If you love birds, get one of those netted bags used for produce and fill it full of string, hair, cotton balls or fluff. Hang it somewhere they’ll find it around about nesting time. Maybe you’ll even be fortunate enough to have them nest near you!
If you love dogs, take a can full of tennis balls (newness not required!) to the park and leave a ball here and there for those ‘catch-happy’ hounds to find.
If you have one of those slathering attack dogs launching itself at you every day on your way to work, consider throwing it a chew toy once in a while. Even if it doesn’t improve the dog’s attitude towards you, it might give you a few moments of quiet!
If you are visiting the zoo and notice that one of the animals is wounded or acting strangely (as if they are ill) mention it immediately to the attendant zookeepers or their volunteer staff. Sometimes things get so busy that they don’t have time to check in on some of the animals more than once a day… which would be too late for an animal requiring help.
Family Ties
Eliminate the words, “i told you so”, “nonsense”, and “some people….” from your vocabulary. Replace them with silence. Foolishness is obvious; it doesn’t need to be advertised.
Do remember your mother. Make her the queen of your life. Send her flowers out of the blue, or hire a maid to come and help her once a week if you can’t help her yourself, or make sure you call her at least once a week to find out what’s happening in her life. It really makes all the difference.
Is your family drifting apart? Time for a new tradition! If you don’t already have family events to fall back on, create some and make sure everybody pitches in to make it a really good get-together. Some suggestions: Roll-Yer-Own Sushi Night (lay out all the ingredients and let people make their own, then cut it up for them), Weekend Treasure Hunt, Mid-Month Mardi Gras, Almost-Friday Pizza Party, Baby’s First Step Celebration, Starwatchers Sleepout, whatever you can think of. Do you really need an excuse for a party?
If you don’t have the money to give a present, make up a couponbook of favours to be exchanged on demand. Some suggestions: free backrub, free cuppa joe, free hour of complaining without interjection or advice, that sort of thing.
The next time your spouse comes in the door from work with a big sigh, say nothing. Just get out a warm foot bath and give them the foot massage of their life!
Give a diary to that young debutante who’s just heading off to college/university. Life could alter considerably for her once she gets there, and documenting the change could be helpful. I did this just before going into art school, about 100 diaries ago! The resultant diaries have proven to be a wealth of reminiscence in my later age.
Always speak well of the dead amongst your kith and kin, even if they were the meanest old codgers you ever met. Their errors don’t matter anymore, and their kindnesses deserve to live on. Even though you can’t give them anything more, you can at least give them the gift of a good reputation.
Do something unexpected for your spouse. The list is practically endless for this one (after all, who knows better how to please your spouse, than you?) but even little things like changing a diaper or doing the dishes, gassing up the car or taking it for a tune-up when things get busy can be immensely appreciated.
Go cry with somebody. If you know someone is hurting, go sit with them. You don’t need to say much… forget the big speeches, they won’t hear them anyway. Small comments like, “The worst is over now”, or “You’re the best person i know”, are enough. Just hold their hand and cry with them awhile. It’s part of being a human being.
Be sure to take advantage of every possible opportunity to tell your spouse how smart, goodlooking, hardworking and virtuous they are, and how much you enjoy being with them.
Make a list of all the kindnesses people have shown you over the years. Some things are obvious, like the sacrifices our parents and grandparents made for us; but did you remember the little boy who returned your lost wallet, or the neighbour who took care of your cat even though she was allergic to it? etc. You may find yourself in tears. Go over these deeds often, and give thanks. And make sure you mention them often, to others. Just talking about kind deeds can lift people’s spirits… and yours.
The next time your husband seems inordinately cranky for a week, just be the silent hand that passes him his tea for awhile. Patience is so important!
The next time you’re absolutely, positively, evidently right in an argument, just smile and say you’re wrong.
This from my Granny, the Field-General of Family Closeness:
make a list of all your friends and family and get organized about keeping your relations good with them.
Drag out the calendar and mark off all the important days in their lives.
Chart out regular phone calls, letters, emails, presents.
Stake out the local card shop and have important cards at the ready, with postage.
Anticipate support and have gifts wrapped to go, complete with nametags and addresses.
And always keep an extra 20. to slip into your grandchildrens’ mail!
Bless you Granny, wherever you are. Your kindness still grows in our hearts.
Make a list of all the thorns in your soul. You know what i mean; the letters you didn’t send, the clothes you meant to give away, the lost son you always meant to catch up with. Unpluck one a day.
The Workaday World
When shopping, please do remember to buy extra tins for the food bank. And leave coupons for people where the items are. And pay for the next person’s groceries, especially if they’re elderly, or have children, or look particularly grouchy.
Make a Sweetie Treatie Day at work (i recommend Monday) and make sure everybody gets his or her favourite (hopefully home baked) treat right about the low blood sugar time of the afternoon. Initials are nice, too, to personalize them.
Keep cough syrup and drops, analgesic and tissue packets in your office desk just in case. It’s sad how many people have no choice but to come in to work, even if they’re very ill. For these poor people, even a little kindness can go a long way.
If you’re trying to get some information from a company rep/ government official etc. and not getting anywhere, don’t get angry at them. Instead, offer to email them the information when you do eventually find it out from other sources. Often they are doing three people’s work for half a salary, and have no time to do the research themselves. Do yourself, them, and the next person along a favour, and give them the right information to do their job well.
If you find yourself with a few dollars over after the bills are paid, it really is worthwhile to buy a pack of granola bars/instant soup packets/yogurts etc. to put into your staff workroom. Make sure they are clearly labelled as being free food. In every place of employment, there is usually at least one person who can’t afford to feed themselves lunch. Think of it as a way to increase productivity!
If you’ve ever ridden to work on a bus filled with grumpy, humourless people, you know it might be worthwhile to try writing out a clean joke onto a little card (gift cards do nicely) to leave on a seat.
Make a sandwich for the carpenter/electrician/plumber who gave up their lunch hour to come help you out. It’s a simple thing, but even a cheese sandwich from a stranger can move the toughest guy to almost-tears!
If you hear someone gossiping badly about a mutual acquaintance, quickly counter with all the times that acquaintance has spoken well of the gossiper. You could head off a nasty misunderstanding before it gets into a major conflict.
If you know a storeowner who works without help, offer to stand in for an occasional lunch hour to give them a break, or to replace stock, do inventory, books etc. once in a while. I once had a complete stranger help me wait tables in the middle of a crazy lunch hour, and it was never forgotten!
If you see that the new staff at work are in over their head, do stop (if you can) to step them through some of their work. Just the odd pointer once in a while can help them get on their feet. If you can’t stop, at least drop an encouraging note on their desk to give them a little courage.
If that receptionist/gov’t worker/counter person etc. went out of their way to do something for you, make sure you come back promptly with your hands full of flowers… or tickets to the next game… or coupons to a nice restaurant… or even just a nice handmade card to say ‘thanks’.
You know that person who never seems to fit in at work? Who’s always cranky and abusive? Chances are that they likely feel trapped. Have a coffee with them sometime and let them talk. Don’t offer any advice; just let them talk. Don’t be surprised if they start to cry. Appearances can be deceiving… many a worthy person is just stuck in the wrong job!
If you have to leave your job and have no chance to train the person replacing you, at least leave a note detailing some of the chores required and how to do them etc. where you know they will find it. I once received such a note (stuck in a drawer) that not only showed me how to do things, but what situations to watch out for. Many thanks to the kind soul who took the time to keep a stranger out of trouble!
If you frequently use a copier at work, please do make sure that it’s stocked up and in good working order for the next person along. Many people tear into the copy room under the gun to whack up a copy in no time flat and just don’t have the time to change toner etc!
Leave a small (open) box of chocolates beside the coffee machine at work. Few things go together better than coffee and chocolate, and it just might sweeten the mood of the pms’ers amongst us.
If you have a coworker who’s feeling down about some major event in their life (i.e. divorce, custody battle, bereavement) pass a blank book around the office. Have each work associate write down at least one thing about that person that they really like or admire… it only takes a few seconds. Tie a nice ribbon around it and leave it on their desk for them to find.
Have the correct change ready for the overworked cashier at the supermarket… you know, the one who has her wrists bandaged because she serves hundreds of people a day. Having your groceries grouped in categories that are easy to ring in is also helpful… and don’t forget a small compliment or thanks on your way out!
Shopper’s etiquette: Don’t throw change at the cashier. Don’t wander around and then put items back where they don’t belong.
Don’t leave the clothes you tried on lying on the changing room floor.
Don’t keep the clerk yo-yoing back and forth with petty demands.
Don’t scream abuse at the returns clerk.
Don’t charge in with some vague demand like: “I’m looking for a dress.”
Don’t buy items solely for a celebration and then return them the next day after the event is over.
DO treat the clerk like he/she is an intelligent member of the human race who has the same worth as yourself. The rest of your actions should proceed naturally from this premise!
Remember that the voice on the other end of the phone belongs to a human being. Dealing with the public over the phone is very draining. If you had to wait twenty minutes to talk to somebody, it’s probably because they were working at a breakneck pace to satisfy hundreds of people. Ask about their day. Share a joke. Make your business brief and coherent, and remember to give both thanks and the hope that their day is good.
If you work on an assembly line, remember to bring some little thing for the next worker on the line or the person working right across from you once in a while. It doesn’t need to be anything too expensive; just a candy bar or an extra coffee when you go to get one for yourself is good. Creating a bit of goodwill amongst your fellow workers never hurts, and it just might help things along!
If you happen to be single, why not offer to take over a coworker’s workload for the holidays, if you know they absolutely HAVE to be with their family. You just might be able to finally get something done, with the office being so quiet!
Perfect Strangers
Start a habit of kindness that will be a tradition a hundred years from now, with no one really knowing where it came from!
Stick up for strangers.
Speak up. If you see someone being picked on with racist jokes etc., let the perpetrators know loudly and clearly that they are in the wrong. Many bullies feel that if they are not corrected, others feel the same way they do. Unfortunately, this thought is also shared by their victims. I’ve had many experiences of calling bullies on their ranting, just to have them turn tail and cowardly recant!
Always leave an extra quarter on top of a pay phone. You never know who’ll need it. Or when.
Always carry little gifts with you - candy, pocketbooks, scarves, cookies, handmade jewellery, etc. Whenever you go out, make it a mission to find the person who fits each gift, and give it to them.
If you come to a website that looks like it needs some help with proofreading, email them and offer your services for free; especially if they do work for charitable causes. Usually volunteers with no time and hardly any feedback run these organizations, so any help they receive is very welcome.
If you buy something from a vending machine, either leave money in the machine, or leave a goodie (juice, bus ticket etc.) in the tray at the bottom.
Go to the airport with maps and look for confused people. Don’t forget to hand them a card with your name on it if they have more questions later. At the very least, you just might get some interesting postcards when they get home!
Go out with a bag full of old books and leave them in appropriate places, i.e. books on cat care in the pet food section of the supermarket, or novels in the laundromat. Take your new magazines after you’ve read them and leave them in your doctor’s office.
If you make handmade bracelets, hair catches etc., make up 26 of them with a different letter of the alphabet on each. Carry them in your purse and give them to preschoolers, teenagers (waitresses, students) you meet. As soon as you know someone’s name, you’ll have something to give them!
Hold a widely-advertised garage/bake sale. When people come to haggle over the price, hold firm for your bottom figure… nothing. Zip, nada, doodah. It’s amazing how so many people cannot accept this!
Make up “smile” cards and hand them out to perfect strangers who look like they’re having an especially trying day.
Always carry jumper cables, extra gas, extra water, and a first aid kit in your car. You never know when they’ll be needed, or by whom.
Always carry an extra guidebook, bus schedule, and map in your purse, to give to tourists who ask for directions. If you like to buy those big books of coupons, give them coupons to the attractions they are going to go see. You’re not going to USE all of those coupons anyway, are you?
Knit a classy scarf for someone you barely know (the paperboy, a waitress, the dental receptionist) and make sure his or her initial is on it.
The next time you’re buying stamps, leave an extra book of them for distribution behind the counter.
If you have to travel down a highway to go to work, sow packets of wildflowers out the window. That way, everyone will have something to make their drive more interesting next year.
If you have moved into a place that has an obviously-loved garden in the back, make sure you send pictures of it and maybe even seeds to the former tenants, just to let them know you love their garden as much as they did, and are working hard to maintain it. Who knows? They might even write back with some good suggestions based on their experience!
If you are moving, leave your old home furbished with the little things that make life easy… like some tp in the bathroom, hangers in the closet, a welcoming note, maybe even a coin under the welcome mat. Something that makes a body feel at home.
Be patient. I know this seems like a small deed, but it really requires a great deal of effort! The next time some transit stranger falls asleep on your new blouse, drooling, or the idiot at work loses yet another of your valuable files, use the occasion to learn patience. My motto is: if it can be fixed, why worry? And if it can’t be fixed, why worry about that either!?
Always leave an extra umbrella at the bus stop/subway entrance/apartment lobby on rainy days.
Make up a bunch of lovely little cards that say ‘You are beautiful just the way you are… don’t change!’ Leave them absolutely everywhere… beside fashion magazines, in gyms, stuck into dressing room mirrors, propped up on makeup counters etc.
Get some sidewalk chalk. Every dry day, get up early and write something motivational and uplifting on the sidewalk for the sleepy people going to work. This works for school kids, too!
Forget unkindnesses regularly. That unpleasant joke, rude comment, flippant service or nasty greediness that comes your way occasionally will not even be remembered a week from now… so why waste your time stewing about it now? Usually, random rudenesses have nothing to do with you personally, anyway!
If you get stuck in a line (and who hasn’t?) talk to the person in front of you casually. Be careful with this one because a lot of people get cranky if they have to wait. Just comment on their darling kids, make a joke, compliment them on their clothes… keep it light and breezy so that (for the two of you at least) the line might move a little faster!
Leave a book of transit tickets in the motor vehicle office. That way, people who have recently lost their licenses will have some way to get to work.
Hand out maps to new students at a university on the first day. No matter how many maps get included with registration forms, it always makes a big difference to someone having a panic attack to ask a real human being for directions.
If you regularly battle bumper to bumper traffic, you know how boring and frustrating it can be to sit and wait to move. Even if you can’t make the line move any faster, at least make sure you have a frequent change of fun bumper stickers on your car to lighten the mood of the guy behind you.
If you are one of those parents who sit out in the driveway to watch over your kids as they’re biking/playing street hockey/horsing around in the front yard, make it a point to greet the people walking by. You might be the only person to exchange a kind word with them that day! You would be amazed at how many people are just aching to be friendly but they don’t get a chance to be.
Look through the obits and send condolence cards to all of the bereaved families listed, even if you didn’t know the person. Every death lessens all of us. Look back far enough, and you’ll see that we’re all related somehow!
If you have a special café you like to visit, create a special anonymous account there for free coffees. How much does it cost to pay for a few more cups?
Pull open the phone book and pick a name at random. Send them flowers with a nice encouraging note attached… anonymously. This can be so much fun you may want to make it a sort of hobby (if you have the means to indulge it, of course)!
If you have rented a cabin for your vacation, leave it with some things for the next people along – doesn’t need to be fancy – just a phone card on the table, a couple of cans of beans in the cupboard or a pack of matches on the mantelpiece is enough.
Buy a book of stamps and affix them to postcards, then leave them in hotel lobbies or tour buses. People on whirlwind tours rarely have time to write!
Keep an eye out for immigrants. You could make up a small xeroxed book of common phrases and hand them out to immigrants you meet in your daily travels, if they don’t mind; the taxi driver, counterperson, sanitation worker or daycare worker that seems to be struggling with language. Your little booklet could be the bridge to understanding they’ve been looking for!
Smile. Even if you have nothing to give and you feel down, just smiling at people will hearten both you and them. Smile at people on the bus. Smile at the counterperson who hands you your morning coffee. Smile at people in the elevator. For some, this could be the only kindness they experience all day. Make someone’s day, and smile!
Refuse hatred. Just because someone hates you doesn’t mean that you have to hate them back! If someone is screaming abuse at you, smile and give them a compliment. If nothing else, at least it will stop them in their tracks!
Take the lost mitts left hanging on newspaper boxes and park benches, if they’ve been sitting there for a couple of days, and knit matching mitts. Attach with a crocheted cord, and replace the mitts where you found them.
Go clean the fallen garbage around the dumpster. Nobody wants to do it, but everybody steps over it everyday!
If there is a particular viewpoint of beauty in your neighbourhood, make up a ‘stop and look’ card to place on it. How often we walk past the things that would refresh our hearts and give us pleasure!