Respect for the Elderly
Go to your local hospital gift shop and buy a treat for the next patient that comes in. There are a lot of long-term patients, especially the elderly, who would love an occasional treat but can’t afford it.
Become a pen pal for shut-ins, terminal patients, and especially elderly people. Make sure your mail is “all dressed up” with special little gifties, like coupons for their favourite food or rainbow stickers, anything to cheer them up.
If you see an elderly person sitting alone in a coffeeshop, be sure to catch their eye and smile. If they don’t mind, go sit with them to look at their family snapshots and hear their stories. A lot of elderly people save up their pennies just to go “outside” and sit with other people. Make sure they get their money’s worth!
Always have calling cards with you, in case you witness an accident or you meet someone who might need your assistance later for something (i.e. an older person who needs help picking up their groceries).
If you have to do your clothes in a laundromat and you have an elderly person living nearby, offer to take their things at the same time as you take yours. It’s not that much extra work, really, and it means a lot to people who have limited mobility and arthritis to have things folded for them.
If you have the resources to offer an older person an electric toothbrush, do. Their arthritis poses serious barriers to effective dental care, and if you’re older with a limited budget, the last thing you need is a lot of emergency dental work. The best kind of electric toothbrush for this is the kind that doesn’t shake too much in your hand.
Go read to somebody. There’s always someone around who would love to hear a good story. Read to kids at your local library or daycare centre, to immigrants, shut-ins, or the elderly at homes. If you can teach a little in the way of literacy at the same time, so much the better.
When shopping, please do remember to buy extra tins for the food bank. And leave coupons for people where the items are. And pay for the next person’s groceries, especially if they’re elderly, or have children, or look particularly grouchy.
Always cook double. It doesn’t take that much extra effort, and there’s always someone who could really benefit from a hot homecooked meal… the two-job family, the lonely elder or the new mother, for example. If you can’t find anyone to give your food to, just stick it in the freezer… and consider it a job well done that you’ve saved yourself some cooking on another day!
If you happen to be the owner of a restaurant and if you can afford it, slip a little extra onto the plates of the elderly or single moms. i.e. if a grandmother comes in with her carefully-saved pennies to order a burger and coffee for her one time out a month, make sure she gets a really good hamburger and maybe a juice, salad, or dessert with it. Say it’s a one-hour special for the elderly, or she’s the 2000th customer etc., if she asks why.
If you can afford it, go to the pound/animal shelter and pick out a cat that doesn’t look like it stands a chance. Give it all it’s shots, take care of it until it’s good and healthy, then give it to a senior that needs a friend. The cat will be well cared for and the senior will get all the unconditional love they could want.
If you have a friend or neighbour who has trouble walking, see about renting the equipment for them that would make walking easier, i.e. a wheelchair, cane, or other walking support. Of course the best support is your arm…offer THAT as often as you can!
i know this seems like a small thing, but leave older folks enough time to answer the phone. And a lot of phones cut to a message after a couple of rings, so call back if you didn’t get through the first time. It’s very difficult for older people with arthritis to pull themselves out of a chair and run to the phone with a cane!
Now that the young hopefuls are just starting to poke their heads out of the ground down in the garden, wouldn’t it be a nice idea to load up with a few primula etc. and put in a surprise garden for your elderly neighbour? The next time she looks out her window, she might just think there’s been a miracle!
Make up a small Xeroxed book of heartsmart recipes for that person you know who has just had a stroke/heart attack. Unlearning old fatty habits can be a lot easier if the alternatives look appealing and easy.
Stand up and let a pregnant woman/elderly person/child/disgruntled person have your seat on the bus/subway. Don’t take no for an answer, even if they say they’re only going two blocks.
Keep an extra bottle of ibuprophen in your bag. Next time you see a poor senior with arthritic hands, you have something to give them.
Take care of a senior’s pets, especially things like taking them out for a walk or to the vet.
If you see someone struggling with their groceries, smile and take a couple of bags for them. Take them home for them, even if you have to take another subway or bus. Do this particularly if they are old.
Kindness to Animals
Do get involved with wildlife shelters, even if it is only for a couple of hours a week. Most of these places are horribly understaffed and underfunded, and somehow there’s nothing as moving as a terrified little creature that cannot communicate with you but needs a great deal of help.
If you are troubled by cats stalking your favourite backyard birdhouses, make a special corner just for them with dishes of catfood and hanging toys to take their minds off your dear little feathered friends.
If you love birds, get one of those netted bags used for produce and fill it full of string, hair, cotton balls or fluff. Hang it somewhere they’ll find it around about nesting time. Maybe you’ll even be fortunate enough to have them nest near you!
If you love dogs, take a can full of tennis balls (newness not required!) to the park and leave a ball here and there for those ‘catch-happy’ hounds to find.
If you have one of those slathering attack dogs launching itself at you every day on your way to work, consider throwing it a chew toy once in a while. Even if it doesn’t improve the dog’s attitude towards you, it might give you a few moments of quiet!
If you are visiting the zoo and notice that one of the animals is wounded or acting strangely (as if they are ill) mention it immediately to the attendant zookeepers or their volunteer staff. Sometimes things get so busy that they don’t have time to check in on some of the animals more than once a day… which would be too late for an animal requiring help.
Family Ties
Eliminate the words, “i told you so”, “nonsense”, and “some people….” from your vocabulary. Replace them with silence. Foolishness is obvious; it doesn’t need to be advertised.
Do remember your mother. Make her the queen of your life. Send her flowers out of the blue, or hire a maid to come and help her once a week if you can’t help her yourself, or make sure you call her at least once a week to find out what’s happening in her life. It really makes all the difference.
Is your family drifting apart? Time for a new tradition! If you don’t already have family events to fall back on, create some and make sure everybody pitches in to make it a really good get-together. Some suggestions: Roll-Yer-Own Sushi Night (lay out all the ingredients and let people make their own, then cut it up for them), Weekend Treasure Hunt, Mid-Month Mardi Gras, Almost-Friday Pizza Party, Baby’s First Step Celebration, Starwatchers Sleepout, whatever you can think of. Do you really need an excuse for a party?
If you don’t have the money to give a present, make up a couponbook of favours to be exchanged on demand. Some suggestions: free backrub, free cuppa joe, free hour of complaining without interjection or advice, that sort of thing.
The next time your spouse comes in the door from work with a big sigh, say nothing. Just get out a warm foot bath and give them the foot massage of their life!
Give a diary to that young debutante who’s just heading off to college/university. Life could alter considerably for her once she gets there, and documenting the change could be helpful. I did this just before going into art school, about 100 diaries ago! The resultant diaries have proven to be a wealth of reminiscence in my later age.
Always speak well of the dead amongst your kith and kin, even if they were the meanest old codgers you ever met. Their errors don’t matter anymore, and their kindnesses deserve to live on. Even though you can’t give them anything more, you can at least give them the gift of a good reputation.
Do something unexpected for your spouse. The list is practically endless for this one (after all, who knows better how to please your spouse, than you?) but even little things like changing a diaper or doing the dishes, gassing up the car or taking it for a tune-up when things get busy can be immensely appreciated.
Go cry with somebody. If you know someone is hurting, go sit with them. You don’t need to say much… forget the big speeches, they won’t hear them anyway. Small comments like, “The worst is over now”, or “You’re the best person i know”, are enough. Just hold their hand and cry with them awhile. It’s part of being a human being.
Be sure to take advantage of every possible opportunity to tell your spouse how smart, goodlooking, hardworking and virtuous they are, and how much you enjoy being with them.
Make a list of all the kindnesses people have shown you over the years. Some things are obvious, like the sacrifices our parents and grandparents made for us; but did you remember the little boy who returned your lost wallet, or the neighbour who took care of your cat even though she was allergic to it? etc. You may find yourself in tears. Go over these deeds often, and give thanks. And make sure you mention them often, to others. Just talking about kind deeds can lift people’s spirits… and yours.
The next time your husband seems inordinately cranky for a week, just be the silent hand that passes him his tea for awhile. Patience is so important!
The next time you’re absolutely, positively, evidently right in an argument, just smile and say you’re wrong.
This from my Granny, the Field-General of Family Closeness:
make a list of all your friends and family and get organized about keeping your relations good with them.
Drag out the calendar and mark off all the important days in their lives.
Chart out regular phone calls, letters, emails, presents.
Stake out the local card shop and have important cards at the ready, with postage.
Anticipate support and have gifts wrapped to go, complete with nametags and addresses.
And always keep an extra 20. to slip into your grandchildrens’ mail!
Bless you Granny, wherever you are. Your kindness still grows in our hearts.
Make a list of all the thorns in your soul. You know what i mean; the letters you didn’t send, the clothes you meant to give away, the lost son you always meant to catch up with. Unpluck one a day.
The Workaday World
When shopping, please do remember to buy extra tins for the food bank. And leave coupons for people where the items are. And pay for the next person’s groceries, especially if they’re elderly, or have children, or look particularly grouchy.
Make a Sweetie Treatie Day at work (i recommend Monday) and make sure everybody gets his or her favourite (hopefully home baked) treat right about the low blood sugar time of the afternoon. Initials are nice, too, to personalize them.
Keep cough syrup and drops, analgesic and tissue packets in your office desk just in case. It’s sad how many people have no choice but to come in to work, even if they’re very ill. For these poor people, even a little kindness can go a long way.
If you’re trying to get some information from a company rep/ government official etc. and not getting anywhere, don’t get angry at them. Instead, offer to email them the information when you do eventually find it out from other sources. Often they are doing three people’s work for half a salary, and have no time to do the research themselves. Do yourself, them, and the next person along a favour, and give them the right information to do their job well.
If you find yourself with a few dollars over after the bills are paid, it really is worthwhile to buy a pack of granola bars/instant soup packets/yogurts etc. to put into your staff workroom. Make sure they are clearly labelled as being free food. In every place of employment, there is usually at least one person who can’t afford to feed themselves lunch. Think of it as a way to increase productivity!
If you’ve ever ridden to work on a bus filled with grumpy, humourless people, you know it might be worthwhile to try writing out a clean joke onto a little card (gift cards do nicely) to leave on a seat.
Make a sandwich for the carpenter/electrician/plumber who gave up their lunch hour to come help you out. It’s a simple thing, but even a cheese sandwich from a stranger can move the toughest guy to almost-tears!
If you hear someone gossiping badly about a mutual acquaintance, quickly counter with all the times that acquaintance has spoken well of the gossiper. You could head off a nasty misunderstanding before it gets into a major conflict.
If you know a storeowner who works without help, offer to stand in for an occasional lunch hour to give them a break, or to replace stock, do inventory, books etc. once in a while. I once had a complete stranger help me wait tables in the middle of a crazy lunch hour, and it was never forgotten!
If you see that the new staff at work are in over their head, do stop (if you can) to step them through some of their work. Just the odd pointer once in a while can help them get on their feet. If you can’t stop, at least drop an encouraging note on their desk to give them a little courage.
If that receptionist/gov’t worker/counter person etc. went out of their way to do something for you, make sure you come back promptly with your hands full of flowers… or tickets to the next game… or coupons to a nice restaurant… or even just a nice handmade card to say ‘thanks’.
You know that person who never seems to fit in at work? Who’s always cranky and abusive? Chances are that they likely feel trapped. Have a coffee with them sometime and let them talk. Don’t offer any advice; just let them talk. Don’t be surprised if they start to cry. Appearances can be deceiving… many a worthy person is just stuck in the wrong job!
If you have to leave your job and have no chance to train the person replacing you, at least leave a note detailing some of the chores required and how to do them etc. where you know they will find it. I once received such a note (stuck in a drawer) that not only showed me how to do things, but what situations to watch out for. Many thanks to the kind soul who took the time to keep a stranger out of trouble!
If you frequently use a copier at work, please do make sure that it’s stocked up and in good working order for the next person along. Many people tear into the copy room under the gun to whack up a copy in no time flat and just don’t have the time to change toner etc!
Leave a small (open) box of chocolates beside the coffee machine at work. Few things go together better than coffee and chocolate, and it just might sweeten the mood of the pms’ers amongst us.
If you have a coworker who’s feeling down about some major event in their life (i.e. divorce, custody battle, bereavement) pass a blank book around the office. Have each work associate write down at least one thing about that person that they really like or admire… it only takes a few seconds. Tie a nice ribbon around it and leave it on their desk for them to find.
Have the correct change ready for the overworked cashier at the supermarket… you know, the one who has her wrists bandaged because she serves hundreds of people a day. Having your groceries grouped in categories that are easy to ring in is also helpful… and don’t forget a small compliment or thanks on your way out!
Shopper’s etiquette: Don’t throw change at the cashier. Don’t wander around and then put items back where they don’t belong.
Don’t leave the clothes you tried on lying on the changing room floor.
Don’t keep the clerk yo-yoing back and forth with petty demands.
Don’t scream abuse at the returns clerk.
Don’t charge in with some vague demand like: “I’m looking for a dress.”
Don’t buy items solely for a celebration and then return them the next day after the event is over.
DO treat the clerk like he/she is an intelligent member of the human race who has the same worth as yourself. The rest of your actions should proceed naturally from this premise!
Remember that the voice on the other end of the phone belongs to a human being. Dealing with the public over the phone is very draining. If you had to wait twenty minutes to talk to somebody, it’s probably because they were working at a breakneck pace to satisfy hundreds of people. Ask about their day. Share a joke. Make your business brief and coherent, and remember to give both thanks and the hope that their day is good.
If you work on an assembly line, remember to bring some little thing for the next worker on the line or the person working right across from you once in a while. It doesn’t need to be anything too expensive; just a candy bar or an extra coffee when you go to get one for yourself is good. Creating a bit of goodwill amongst your fellow workers never hurts, and it just might help things along!
If you happen to be single, why not offer to take over a coworker’s workload for the holidays, if you know they absolutely HAVE to be with their family. You just might be able to finally get something done, with the office being so quiet!
Perfect Strangers
Start a habit of kindness that will be a tradition a hundred years from now, with no one really knowing where it came from!
Stick up for strangers.
Speak up. If you see someone being picked on with racist jokes etc., let the perpetrators know loudly and clearly that they are in the wrong. Many bullies feel that if they are not corrected, others feel the same way they do. Unfortunately, this thought is also shared by their victims. I’ve had many experiences of calling bullies on their ranting, just to have them turn tail and cowardly recant!
Always leave an extra quarter on top of a pay phone. You never know who’ll need it. Or when.
Always carry little gifts with you – candy, pocketbooks, scarves, cookies, handmade jewellery, etc. Whenever you go out, make it a mission to find the person who fits each gift, and give it to them.
If you come to a website that looks like it needs some help with proofreading, email them and offer your services for free; especially if they do work for charitable causes. Usually volunteers with no time and hardly any feedback run these organizations, so any help they receive is very welcome.
If you buy something from a vending machine, either leave money in the machine, or leave a goodie (juice, bus ticket etc.) in the tray at the bottom.
Go to the airport with maps and look for confused people. Don’t forget to hand them a card with your name on it if they have more questions later. At the very least, you just might get some interesting postcards when they get home!
Go out with a bag full of old books and leave them in appropriate places, i.e. books on cat care in the pet food section of the supermarket, or novels in the laundromat. Take your new magazines after you’ve read them and leave them in your doctor’s office.
If you make handmade bracelets, hair catches etc., make up 26 of them with a different letter of the alphabet on each. Carry them in your purse and give them to preschoolers, teenagers (waitresses, students) you meet. As soon as you know someone’s name, you’ll have something to give them!
Hold a widely-advertised garage/bake sale. When people come to haggle over the price, hold firm for your bottom figure… nothing. Zip, nada, doodah. It’s amazing how so many people cannot accept this!
Make up “smile” cards and hand them out to perfect strangers who look like they’re having an especially trying day.
Always carry jumper cables, extra gas, extra water, and a first aid kit in your car. You never know when they’ll be needed, or by whom.
Always carry an extra guidebook, bus schedule, and map in your purse, to give to tourists who ask for directions. If you like to buy those big books of coupons, give them coupons to the attractions they are going to go see. You’re not going to USE all of those coupons anyway, are you?
Knit a classy scarf for someone you barely know (the paperboy, a waitress, the dental receptionist) and make sure his or her initial is on it.
The next time you’re buying stamps, leave an extra book of them for distribution behind the counter.
If you have to travel down a highway to go to work, sow packets of wildflowers out the window. That way, everyone will have something to make their drive more interesting next year.
If you have moved into a place that has an obviously-loved garden in the back, make sure you send pictures of it and maybe even seeds to the former tenants, just to let them know you love their garden as much as they did, and are working hard to maintain it. Who knows? They might even write back with some good suggestions based on their experience!
If you are moving, leave your old home furbished with the little things that make life easy… like some tp in the bathroom, hangers in the closet, a welcoming note, maybe even a coin under the welcome mat. Something that makes a body feel at home.
Be patient. I know this seems like a small deed, but it really requires a great deal of effort! The next time some transit stranger falls asleep on your new blouse, drooling, or the idiot at work loses yet another of your valuable files, use the occasion to learn patience. My motto is: if it can be fixed, why worry? And if it can’t be fixed, why worry about that either!?
Always leave an extra umbrella at the bus stop/subway entrance/apartment lobby on rainy days.
Make up a bunch of lovely little cards that say ‘You are beautiful just the way you are… don’t change!’ Leave them absolutely everywhere… beside fashion magazines, in gyms, stuck into dressing room mirrors, propped up on makeup counters etc.
Get some sidewalk chalk. Every dry day, get up early and write something motivational and uplifting on the sidewalk for the sleepy people going to work. This works for school kids, too!
Forget unkindnesses regularly. That unpleasant joke, rude comment, flippant service or nasty greediness that comes your way occasionally will not even be remembered a week from now… so why waste your time stewing about it now? Usually, random rudenesses have nothing to do with you personally, anyway!
If you get stuck in a line (and who hasn’t?) talk to the person in front of you casually. Be careful with this one because a lot of people get cranky if they have to wait. Just comment on their darling kids, make a joke, compliment them on their clothes… keep it light and breezy so that (for the two of you at least) the line might move a little faster!
Leave a book of transit tickets in the motor vehicle office. That way, people who have recently lost their licenses will have some way to get to work.
Hand out maps to new students at a university on the first day. No matter how many maps get included with registration forms, it always makes a big difference to someone having a panic attack to ask a real human being for directions.
If you regularly battle bumper to bumper traffic, you know how boring and frustrating it can be to sit and wait to move. Even if you can’t make the line move any faster, at least make sure you have a frequent change of fun bumper stickers on your car to lighten the mood of the guy behind you.
If you are one of those parents who sit out in the driveway to watch over your kids as they’re biking/playing street hockey/horsing around in the front yard, make it a point to greet the people walking by. You might be the only person to exchange a kind word with them that day! You would be amazed at how many people are just aching to be friendly but they don’t get a chance to be.
Look through the obits and send condolence cards to all of the bereaved families listed, even if you didn’t know the person. Every death lessens all of us. Look back far enough, and you’ll see that we’re all related somehow!
If you have a special café you like to visit, create a special anonymous account there for free coffees. How much does it cost to pay for a few more cups?
Pull open the phone book and pick a name at random. Send them flowers with a nice encouraging note attached… anonymously. This can be so much fun you may want to make it a sort of hobby (if you have the means to indulge it, of course)!
If you have rented a cabin for your vacation, leave it with some things for the next people along – doesn’t need to be fancy – just a phone card on the table, a couple of cans of beans in the cupboard or a pack of matches on the mantelpiece is enough.
Buy a book of stamps and affix them to postcards, then leave them in hotel lobbies or tour buses. People on whirlwind tours rarely have time to write!
Keep an eye out for immigrants. You could make up a small xeroxed book of common phrases and hand them out to immigrants you meet in your daily travels, if they don’t mind; the taxi driver, counterperson, sanitation worker or daycare worker that seems to be struggling with language. Your little booklet could be the bridge to understanding they’ve been looking for!
Smile. Even if you have nothing to give and you feel down, just smiling at people will hearten both you and them. Smile at people on the bus. Smile at the counterperson who hands you your morning coffee. Smile at people in the elevator. For some, this could be the only kindness they experience all day. Make someone’s day, and smile!
Refuse hatred. Just because someone hates you doesn’t mean that you have to hate them back! If someone is screaming abuse at you, smile and give them a compliment. If nothing else, at least it will stop them in their tracks!
Take the lost mitts left hanging on newspaper boxes and park benches, if they’ve been sitting there for a couple of days, and knit matching mitts. Attach with a crocheted cord, and replace the mitts where you found them.
Go clean the fallen garbage around the dumpster. Nobody wants to do it, but everybody steps over it everyday!
If there is a particular viewpoint of beauty in your neighbourhood, make up a ‘stop and look’ card to place on it. How often we walk past the things that would refresh our hearts and give us pleasure!
You know those wonderful old books that you’ve read a million times? Maybe it’s time to pass the torch and donate them to your local library. Budgets everywhere are tight, and i don’t know of any library in existence that will refuse a donation. Don’t forget school libraries!
If you see someone struggling with their groceries, smile and take a couple of bags for them. Take them home for them, even if you have to take another subway or bus. Do this particularly if they are old.
If someone asks you where the nearest bus stop is, don’t draw them a map in the air. Smile and say you’re going that way, even if you have three preschoolers and a million things to do. It’s only a two-minute walk anyway, right? Stand with them until you see them safely on board the bus.
Stand up and let a pregnant woman/elderly person/child/disgruntled person have your seat on the bus/subway. Don’t take no for an answer, even if they say they’re only going two blocks.
If you still have time left on your bus ticket/transfer, leave it at the bus stop, prominently displayed. It could be a lifesaver for someone who accidentally left their purse at home etc. Just think… if the shoe were on the other foot, wouldn’t it be a wonderful thing to just amazingly find the way home left out somewhere for you?
You know that wonderful pair of shoes/vase/tie/household appliance that you got given last year but somehow never got around to using? Free up your closet space and do something nice at the same time. Take the item and put it in a box. Wrap it nicely with bows and card etc. Write something like: ‘Free gift from me to you’ on it and then go lose it at the nearest bus stop, subway station, newspaper box or wherever you wish.
The next time someone spills something like a bag of groceries/hamper of clothes/armful of books, stop whatever you’re doing, even if you were just running for an important exam, and help them pick it all up… preferably with a small joke so they feel less embarrassed.
Tell a stranger if their clothing is out of place, i.e. their slip is showing or their jacket is tucked into their pants. This takes courage, but it will be appreciated. Be discreet, and be sure to answer whatever they say with; ‘never mind, I’ve done that too’.
The next time you find a large bill, piece of jewellery etc. on the ground, hang around for an hour or so. If you see someone frantically pacing back and forth searching the ground, go up to them and quietly put the thing in their hand. The look on their face will be more than worth the wait!
Drop another half-hour of quarters into the parking meter for a complete stranger; particularily if you see the meter maid coming this way!
The next time the bonehead in the car ahead of you commits yet another crime against humanity, don’t honk. Pray for their safety, instead.
Get a postit pad and start writing and leaving kind little comments everywhere you go… on the cafe counter, in the office elevator, on the bus seat…see if you can go through a pad a day.
Become a volunteer for a suicide helpline. The end of the year seems to be especially trying for people who don’t have perfect lives, and a few sane words could make all the difference to them. Don’t worry about being perfect… most helplines provide training, too.
Mercy for the Children
A friend once told me; “When a child is born, Christ re-enters the world.”
I looked at her and snapped, “Really? And so how many times does he have to be crucified?”
Growing up is rough. I only know a handful of people who grew up without serious trauma coming mostly from external influences; their screwed-up families, inborn addictions, sadistic teachers etc. Some of my childhood friends died at the hands of vicious people, through no fault of their own. Kids are not to blame for what happens to them.
To say that children need our protection is a serious understatement in a world gone nuts. They need us to give them security, even if we don’t feel it ourselves. But more than that, they need to feel important, loved, and free to expand on their natural potentials. Anything less is welshing on one of the most important social contracts there is; parenthood.
And i would like to suggest that there is another kind of parenthood; the kind that recognizes all children as being part of your species and therefore worthy and deserving of support. A universal parenthood, if you will, for a global tribe.
I remember way back some wacko threatening a bunch of us kids at gunpoint, and how a lone black woman i didn’t even know stood up and took this guy on verbally, saying he was going to have to go through her first if he wanted to kill us. She gave us time to run away, and taught me an invaluable lesson; that children are the collective responsibility of adults everywhere.
So that’s what i tell the huge biker guy abusing his kid in the mall when he tells me to ‘mind my own business’… i look him right back in the eye and say it IS my business, and YES, that’s my kid, too. That really chokes him up. Yeah, it’s that simple to make a difference. Bullies back down right quick when they’re called out by a peer.
So here are some of the ways you can make a difference:
Drop pennies/small toys/handmade bracelets/pairs of gloves on the midnight playground.
Offer to start a volunteer breakfast program in your local elementary school. It doesn’t need to be fancy; just some egg salad sandwiches with milk would do.
Go to your kid’s class and give a toy workshop using recycled materials. You don’t need to be an artist, the kids don’t have to worry about ruining nice materials, and you help the environment too. Best of all, the kids have something to play with that they made with their own hands, and nobody is too upset if it gets broken…after all, it was free, and they know how to make another one!
Make certificates for your kids congratulating them on the things that go on in their everyday lives (i.e., it doesn’t need to be an earth shattering event). Some suggestions: tallest Lego building in the world, counting to five all by yourself, getting yourself dressed for the very first time, playing nicely with your brother all day… etc!
Take all the toddlers you know down to a construction machinery factory outlet for a tour that they’ll never forget! The staff can really enjoy letting them sit in the cabs and pretend to drive etc.
Offer to drop off/pick up your neighbour’s kids from school when you go to get your own.
Go to your local consignment store and gradually pick up enough old gaudy stuff (top hats, opera glasses, feather boas… have fun!) to make a dress-up box, and then give it anonymously to either a poor family, the childrens’ hospital, or a family-run daycare.
Make an anonymous treasure hunt in the nearest park (you have to get up early for this one!) Plant all the clues and then watch kids go from one to the other until they find the “treasure”… candy, or neat kids’ books, etc. Don’t help, or it’ll give the game away!
If you buy a lemonade/ garage sale item/ box of Girl Guide cookies etc. from kids, pay them much more than what it’s worth (i.e. a dollar for a dime item) and refuse to take change. If they want to know why, let them know that their lemonade is the best in the world and you don’t mind paying extra for it… etc.
Offer to make your house or apartment a “safe house” for kids in the area that are left by themselves. A lot of families have both parents working, and sometimes it’s really difficult to fill in the gaps between work and school schedules, so the kids (even very young kids) are left by themselves for an hour or two before their parents come home. Being with other people can make all the difference.
Offer to help your neighbour’s kids with their homework, or to run a study group in your home with your kid and his friends.
If you see that someone is having a tough time with their screaming toddler, walk up, smile, and comment on what a beautiful child they have, complimenting them on their patience. The parent will feel better about how they’re handling things (we really should get more public support for this anyway!) and the toddler will usually be so shocked at the intervention of a stranger that they will stop their tantrum.
Go to the little convenience store across from the elementary school (you know the one) just before school lets out for the day, and buy ten dollars worth of candy for the next kids coming through the door. It’s better if you don’t stick around to watch them, because kids are very intuitive about these things and will be able to spot you right away.
If you lack the cash to do this, take your old recyclable bottles and cans and leave them outside the store. The kids can trade them for candy.
Buy up old trophies from consignment stores or garage sales, then have new cudos put on them: Best Husband, Number One Son, etc.
If you have teenaged girls in your neighbourhood (particularly the 12-14 range) teach them how to do some little basic thing like making friendship bracelets or crocheted bookmarks. They love it and best of all, exchange them with each other as keepsakes that can be treasured their whole lives. Start a new tradition!
If it’s summertime and all the parents around you are going nuts with their terminally bored kids, consider taking them off their hands for a little bit every day. Even if it’s taking toddlers out for a morning walk or giving a craft workshop for older kids (some suggestions: Making Funky Glasses, Mile-High Hats, Supercharged Paper Airplanes or Boats with Matching Paper Hats, Spanish Fans, Snowflakes, Snowglobes, I Love Mom Cards, Kaleidoscopes, Rainsticks, Windowsill Gardens). The break will be welcomed by both parties!
Again, if you’re the kind of parent who likes to sit out and watch their kids play outside after school, think about taking a platter of little sandwiches/fruit/crackers and cheese etc. outside to feed not only them, but their friends in the neighbourhood, too. Too often parents have to arrive home after dark, completely exhausted, and so pass over making a good dinner for their kids. Make sure the kids at least get some kind of snack to tide them over, right around four o’clock or so when blood sugar is really low.
Go get fabric samples from an upholstery store and use them to make quilts for kids and their moms staying in transition houses/wards/prisons. The samples are great for this as they’re all cut to the same size, and have variations on the same pattern.
Have a couple of emergency baby bags ready in case you hear of a new pregnancy. Some suggestions for contents: hand-knit baby blanket, several sleepers, a pack of newborn diapers, booties, wipe cloths, little toys, some literature on breastfeeding solutions and infant medical remedies, a small bag full of analgesic, teething gel, vaseline, diaper rash cream, and homemade gripe water (without alcohol!)… a novel for Mom to read while breastfeeding, bathstuff for relaxing, etc. And a welcoming card, of course!
Race your toddler, and lose. Any competition that they win builds their confidence in tackling new problems… especially when the competition is with someone they think the world of… you!
If you’re an elementary teacher, start an international penpal/stamp collecting club to teach geography. Make sure you keep all the entries in a big “subjective” atlas.
Teach your child to share by always dividing your food with him/her. Make it into a game. When my firstborn and i used to share a sandwich, we would pass it back and forth until we were practically splitting atoms, and giggling hilariously!
If you know of someone who is struggling with learning literacy, get them a subscription to their favourite magazine, even if it is only a comic book. Alternatively, download and print out e-books that you know they would like. Having your own copy of something to read at your own pace can really turn things around sometimes.
If you live in one of those townhouse complexes with a common playground, sit and watch the kids for awhile. Notice which kids need new jackets, pants, shoes etc. and then quietly put a wee bag of handmedowns on their doorknob later.
Stake out the apartment building parking lot. If you see a family struggling with inadequate equipment for their infants (i.e. car seats, strollers etc.), and your kids have outgrown the stuff, immediately call down and see if they’ll take it off your hands for you. Let them know they’re doing you a favour by freeing up your storage space.
Cuddle up to sleep with your young children, and see how quickly nightmares disappear. Leave a separate bed made up for them, but let them make the choice to sleep by themselves. Don’t worry – they’ll probably outgrow the need to cuddle before you do!
If you see a good deal on soccer balls, buy a couple. Leave one in the park/common playground/schoolyard and maybe one beside that ratty old ball your neighbour’s kid keeps kicking around in the street. Ditto for baseballs/basketballs etc.
Take your daughter out to lunch and give her some earrings for her first period. (This is not my idea, but i’ve forgotten where i read it, so long ago). You could make it a monthly ritual to go out for lunch just at the time when ladies most need to eat chocolate together!
If you live in a complex with a lot of smaller kids, consider building an impromptu speed bump for the rocketing roadsters who insist on doing a warp five through your neighbourhood. Just a humped line of smallish gravel will do.
There are plenty of people who stake out the bus and train stations to prey on young runaways. Start up your own stakeout and give these relatively helpless newcomers a welcome of your own! It could be as simple as a muffin and coffee with a map of the city, or you could take them into your home as guests… whatever you feel comfortable with. Having someone to talk to seems to be very high on the list of needs for these people, so as long as you have ears, you have a way of helping!
There’s always one kid who’s always by themselves, biking in circles around the complex or walking the edges of the schoolyard. Make sure you greet them cheerfully whenever you see them and ask after their health, ask them what’s up, ask them what their favourite basketball player is, whatever! small thing can bring them back into the great body of humanity. Hi-fiveing is good, too!
Emergency hospital rooms are scary places for kids, who often get forgotten in the ongoing crisis. If you have some good clean toys that your own offspring have outgrown, consider dropping them off in the waiting room so that at least ’the littlers’ can play with something while they’re awaiting some good news.If you have some great old children’s books, why not leave them in the children’s wing of the hospital (or a children’s hospital)?
Staying quietly in bed for long periods of time can be hard for kids. Help them to occupy themselves and keep up their spirits while they get better. If you have paperwork to do in the evening, go sit with your kids while they’re doing their homework and catch up on things together. Just sitting side by side in silence can be a great way to finish off a busy day! Play Cookie Monster with your toddler when they’re feeling sad. Typical exchange: Me Cookie Monster. Will you be my cookie? ARRRR Yummmmmm yum yum yum arggggga yum yum yum (giggles) Ah! Chocolate Chip! (more giggles) Me LOVE cookies!
Be prepared, however, for Cookie Monster revenge when you’re feeling a little sad yourself and least expect to get eaten!
Is the younger kid next door going crazy with boredom?
Why not put a bag of homemade paper airplanes on the door for him to find and enjoy?
Keep a bag of goldplated pin-on hearts in your purse. (They’re not too expensive.) The next time you meet a child, introduce yourself and ask if they want to be your friend. If they agree, pin a heart on their lapel and say that you give these to all your friends, to show that you care for each other. It could end up being a lifelong keepsake!
Make up a knock/knock book of jokes for your neighbour’s preschoolers. Make it a habit to add new ones from time to time, and write down the jokes they reply with.
Has anyone read Willy Wonka? Why not buy a 10. candy coupon from a bonbon shop and wrap it up as a fabulous contest prize with gold paper and stamps etc. Put in a plain envelope with some generic inscription like: Open me! and leave it somewhere you know it will do some good… the playground, daycare stairway, school bus etc.
If you see a young child riding on public transit by themselves, be sure to sit down beside them as a deterrent to nasty people who might want to harm them.
If you see a child left alone in a shopping cart or car, stand beside them protectively until their parent/s come back. Mention quietly but firmly that the world is not a kind place and that their offspring needs their help. They will bark at you: offer support and a card with your number on it. Sometimes the seed just needs to be planted for people to reconsider their actions.
Make your house a safe haven for an abused child. Even if they have to go home to a nightmare, at least they know that the whole world is not full of violence and there is hope. Offer emotional support to the parents, even if it is just a sympathetic ear over tea.
Make a tape of you reading your kid’s favorite bedtime stories… for the next generation!
Do your kids a favour. Just when all the holiday hype seems overwhelming, take them out for a walk in the quiet, peaceful countryside. Remind them that this is the time when nature sleeps. Breathe in some good fresh air and relax.
Make up kid’s activity kit(s) to give to a family going on a long trip. The contents don’t have to be fancy: a notepad with drawing instruments, crossword/wordfind booklets, small books to read and of course, dimestore puzzles and games are good.
The next time your kids throw their casserole onto the ceiling fan and mash the rest into the carpet, use their fork to poke their sister’s eyes out and throw the plate across the room to bean their brother, smile and take them all out for a picnic. At least the birds can clean up, if you eat outside! And the ability for children to scream and leap up and down outside has such a calming effect… on the mother!
Scrape up all the pennies you can find, with your kids, and make it a point to go to the grocery store and put them in that small box by the cashier usually devoted to good causes. If your kids see you doing good, maybe they will do good, too!
Mail love letters to your kids.
Humanity for the Homeless
I used to be homeless, too. These people have a special place in my heart because i know how tough it is to hold down a job, raise a family, and try to get through school without a place to call home.
It gets down to little things like trying to find a shower everyday and a place to iron your shirts for work. Yeah, sure there are people who could probably do better if they put some effort into doing things differently, but i think the same could be said of all of us.
The really steep ache about being homeless is the sense of alienation. Of knowing that everyone is heading home for supper with their families as the sun is going down, while you are just trying to find a safe place to sleep.
The sense of being outcast, of having no social exchange without currency in a capitalist society, is almost worse than being thrown out of the tribe in the oldeney days, because people look right through you in complete denial of your humanity.
So i would suggest that you show some kindness to those without.
After all, in a way we are all beggars before the universe, are we not?
Here are some things you can do:
Whenever you eat in a restaurant, order two of what you’re having and take one dish to a homeless person outside.
Give those old blankets/sweaters/gloves/coats/hats to the homeless. It’s getting cold.
Buy a bouquet and give it to someone on the street. Someone who looks like they haven’t gotten flowers for years, if ever. Tell them it’s for their beautiful smile.
Make up a small toiletry bag of shampoo, razors, soap, etc. A lot of homeless people have to get ready for work in public washrooms and need something portable to take with them. Also, they probably won’t have the cash to buy a super-sized bonus litre bottle of shampoo, even if they had somewhere to put it. A little fudge brownie down at the bottom of the bag wouldn’t hurt, either.
Buy gift certificates for restaurants and hand them out to those poor skinny kids begging outside the liquor store. Go ahead. They’re not going to mainline them, are they?
Take your old recyclable bottles and cans and leave them in boxes beside the dumpster for those “volunteer recyclers” to pick up. Old clothes are good finds for them, too.
Have a “my favourite recipes” competition. Award everyone, even if it’s for “most colourful dish”, then donate all the food to the homeless, and make a Xerox recipe book of the entries to sell as a fundraiser for the hungry.
If you have a friend who is unemployed/underemployed and you have a bit of time everyday, why not take their resume around and see if you can get them a decent job? Underemployed people, especially, have trouble finding the time to get out of their horrible rut.
If you see people begging in the streets, sit down with them and offer to split your lunch. Your company is probably just as important as the food, to a lot of street people.
You know those wee kids sleeping on the sidewalk at twilight? Maybe they would really appreciate a bedtime story. Be sure to leave the book with them.
If you have the ability to buy wholesale, why not use it to buy a little extra for the local foodbank? Sadly, these institutions seem to be trying to satisfy an increasing clientele with increasingly shrinking resources. A few extra cups of rice or milk could make a big difference for some! If you can get away with donating anonymously, so much the better.
Hire somebody. If you can, hire and train somebody (students, immigrants, handicapped or homeless people) who would never otherwise have the experience or training to get a job. This could be an incredible stepping stone for some, as well as the difference between ‘poverty’ and ‘getting by’ for many others. If you are a coordinating type, try getting a work initiative program going for a select group of people in your neighbourhood, and arrange for the program to be carried out amongst your business contacts.
Take an extra pair of mittens with you to the bus stop. I’m sure you’ll be able to find someone who forgot theirs sitting there shivering with red hands!
Love Your Neighbor
Put a twenty in an unmarked envelope and leave it in the mailbox of someone who needs it. (this suggestion in beloved memory of my step-dad, the King of the Anonymous 20.)
Hand-paint your friends’ names on coffee mugs and hang them on the wall for their next visit. They’ll love the feeling that they have worth and “a place” in your home.
If you see a poor family having a garage sale, especially near the end of the month, root through your possessions and give them some to sell. When they try to give you your money at the end of the day, refuse to take it, saying that they did you a favour by getting rid of your junk. If there’s stuff left over that they like, let them keep it.
If you see tools on sale, BUY THEM! That way, the guy who’s always borrowing your tools and never returning them can just keep them (he obviously needs them anyway, right?) without any resentment on your part. If he comes back with them someday, you can just tell him that the tool was an extra and you don’t need it.
Save the seeds from your garden and give half to your friends. That way, you can all share the same “friendship gardens” next year… and make sure that everyone has fresh food on the table.
If you have to buy little things for a friend’s new baby, go down to the hospital and buy them from their gift shop. The clothes are beautiful, and usually hand-knit by volunteers or older people donating to local causes.
If you have a big container full of herbs that you are bringing inside for the fall, divide them and put the plants into two windowboxes… one for you, one for a friend that needs herbs but can’t afford them.
If you have a humongous back yard, please consider sectioning part of it off to be a communal garden for the poor in your neighbourhood. If you provide anything for it, like compost, watering, or seeds, so much the better.
If you notice that someone has just moved into the neighbourhood, leave a care package outside their door… something like a plant for the house with a gift certificate to the local kitchenware store, with a list of things like what day garbage pickup is, hours of operation for the local grocery stores, bus schedules, etc. Don’t forget a card with your name and address on it, with an invitation to come to tea! And a friendly homecooked meal is always welcome too, especially if the kitchen hasn’t been unpacked yet!
Hold a block garage sale and pool the money to improve your neighbourhood in some way… more trees, some new playground equipment for the park, or just to help out a poor family that is down on their luck.
If you have a neighbour who is experiencing weight problems, be their diet buddy. Weigh in together every day, keep a food diary, and eat at least one meal a day together (preferably at the time when your neighbour has difficulty with snacking). A lot of people overeat because they feel lonely. Your support could make all the difference!
If you know of someone who is going through a particularly hard time, especially a divorce, send them an anonymous admirer card. It doesn’t need to be romantic – just encouraging. Make sure it’s not written, or they might recognize your handwriting!
If you have to go to a laundromat to wash your clothes, consider going with a friend. You can share the expenses for soap and clothes freshener, as well as help each other carry and fold the clothes. Just having someone to talk to while waiting for the cycles to end is worth the effort!
If you crochet, make up a big bag of motifs. That way you’ll have a headstart on making blankets for new babies, afghans for someone who needs a little comfort, or tablecloths and placemats for people just getting married. Be prepared for every occasion!
If you and a couple of friends are trying to lose weight, why not start an informal walkers club to go enjoy the golden hours of sunrise together? You can all take turns going to each others’ houses for a healthy breakfast, later. Weight is always easier to lose with other people!
Pick up the litter on your way. You don’t have to run all over the park, or pick up every gum wrapper on the street, but just take a bag and some tongs with you when you go out for a walk, and pick up enough to fill one bag. That’s one bag less that people have to kick through and step on everyday. Believe me, it makes a difference!
Always cook double. It doesn’t take that much extra effort, and there’s always someone who could really benefit from a hot homecooked meal… the two-job family, the lonely elder or the new mother, for example. If you can’t find anyone to give your food to, just stick it in the freezer… and consider it a job well done that you’ve saved yourself some cooking on another day!
If you are going to buy medicine for you or your child, buy two. I dunno how many times my neighbours have come over unexpectedly asking if i have something simple like a fever reducer or arthritis painkiller and have been incredibly grateful when this small thing was there!
Go out every morning to make the rounds of your neighbours, if you have the time. It doesn’t need to be too involved; just a friendly ‘hello, i was just passing by your door and thought i would invite you for a walk’ is good enough. Make sure that you know your neighbours well enough to know when someone needs an extra twenty, a jacket for the baby, a visit in the hospital or just a shoulder to cry on when things get tough.
Carry referral cards for your favourite dentist, doctor, community nurse or chiropractor. If you talk to other people at all about their health, chances are that you’ll be handing out at least one of those cards a day to them. Everybody’s looking for good medical care! Make sure you follow up by finding out how they are later.
If you know of a family that comes from a war-torn country, make discreet enquiries as to how their families back home could be helped. They will know, better than any international aid organization, what is needed and where.
When you water your lawn/garden, water your neighbour’s as well. (if they don’t mind)
It only takes a few minutes, and leaves both of your lawns looking good.
Never pass up the opportunity to teach something, even if it is only how to bake cookies to the toddler who wants to help, or how to change engine oil to an interested neighbour. It’s funny how quickly your knowhow gets passed on to others, and others after that! There is no measure for how much a small act of goodness can multiply throughout the world.
Casually mention to that two-job family that you like to mend clothes, if you’re handy with that sort of thing. This always gets neglected, and being as appearances do count for something and clothes are so expensive these days, a quick little stitch in time could do a lot of good.
If you live on a rural route, arrange with your neighbour to pick up his mail at the post office when you drive down into town to get yours. No sense rattling down in two cars to get one handful of mail!
If you hear someone gossiping badly about a mutual acquaintance, quickly counter with all the times that acquaintance has spoken well of the gossiper. You could head off a nasty misunderstanding before it gets into a major conflict.
Weed somebody’s garden. Weeds come up so quickly and take over the garden in a matter of days if they’re not taken care of. Monitoring is difficult for people who have to work or have health problems. Make sure you don’t take out their flowers in your efforts to separate the garden from the wilderness!
If you have a pickup or van, make sure you offer your (free) moving services to others at the end of the month. This will alleviate an incredible amount of worry for a poor family and doesn’t take much time out of your day.
Paint the jaded park playground equipment early in the morning. Make sure you leave a ‘wet paint’ sign out to protect your work and keep other people from ruining their clothes etc.
You know all those people who go out walking the sands to find some keepsake to bring home? Give them something worthwhile to find… a note in a bottle, some (bought) whelks, small geodes etc. Be creative! This is something you could do everyday while you take your own walk along the shores.
If you happen to have a bit of money, go to pawnshops and buy up a couple of gold rings, or get some cubic zirconium rings. They’re surprisingly cheap! Arrange with the local justice of the peace etc. to make them available to young couples who can’t afford a ring when they get married. Your gift will be treasured for a lifetime, and perhaps even become a family heirloom!
Take every opportunity you can get to speak well of others, gently and thoughtfully. This is especially rewarding if you can speak well of your enemies. Spread a good rumour of someone’s kindness, intelligence, and efficiency.
If you have a neighbour who has a huge stereo system and insists on using it to the max despite gentle suggestions to the contrary, leave little bags of earplugs and analgesic on the doorknobs of all the people affected by this noise.
If you have a worthy but poor friend, do invite them out for coffee and pick up the tab frequently. Sometimes it’s their only chance to get out and socialize. I had a friend who did this for me, for upwards of ten years (many thanks, Gregg!) and their kindness has never been forgotten.
If you know someone who is moving, take some old boxes over. If you stay to help fill them, so much the better. If you are an old friend, packing up someone’s life and helping them on their way can be a good way to overcome the grief of their leaving.
If you know how to cut hair (well!), offer your services to neighbours and friends for free. Just cutting kids hair is a big favour for a lot of parents who can’t afford the high prices at barbershops/salons but still need to get their kids off to school looking good.
If you have ever had to sit in a ward for the terminally ill, waiting by the bedside of someone who is passing away, you know how difficult it can be to keep your spirits up. Most of us leave such places as quickly as possible after the crisis is over, but I would suggest going back to help family members who are in the same situation you once were in. Become a volunteer for your local hospital.
If someone you know has had a loved one pass away, take care of the daily mundanities like cooking and cleaning and dressing babies for them for awhile; just until they’re back on their feet and can take care of themselves and their families again.
If you know of someone with a new baby, slip them a box of diapers once in a while. Those things are expensive, and babies go through them very quickly!
If you have two bags of rice, make sure your neighbour gets one.
If you have a decent computer, share the wealth. Teach others to use it and allow them to create email accounts etc. on your pc. A lot of people are getting left behind because they lack the time or money to get a pc or go to classes to find out how they work.
If you have a few friends with half-finished projects in chaotic craft spaces, make a club to sit down together and make sense of all the things they’ve started. Sometimes it just takes another pair of eyes looking at something to overcome the trepidation of finishing it. If you have beef bones left over from your meal, why not take them to the dog next door?
If you are visiting a proud friend and discover that they are in financial difficulties, don’t waste time asking them if they need money. You know what they’ll say. Just tuck a bit of money somewhere you know they’ll find it… my favourite is the bathroom because you just have to excuse yourself and then put a twenty in the medicine cabinet. Express disbelief when they tell you of their find. A bag of groceries on the door wouldn’t hurt, either!
If you know that your neighbour down the street is sick, you know, the one you always nod to but don’t really know, don’t lose the chance to know them better! Make out a homemade card expressing sympathy for their illness and put it in their mailbox. If you’re feeling brave, knock on their door with a fresh pot of chicken soup!
If your neighbour’s air conditioning breaks down, right in the middle of the worst heatwave the city has ever seen, leave a bag of homemade paper fans on the door. It may not be as good as their regular air conditioning, but it couldn’t hurt!!
Forgive somebody. If someone owes you money, either write it off or make it easy to pay back, e.g. cut it in half and tell them to pay 10. a month.
As for that grudge you’ve been harbouring for the last twenty years, remember that life is short. You may not have an extra minute to forgive; and you could both go to the grave with hate on your soul. A scary thought, isn’t it? Show yourself to be the bigger hearted; have the strength of character to reach for the phone first.
Don’t forget: Forgiving is hard work. It’s not for wusses.
Going out for a morning jog? Don’t lose this opportunity to do good deeds! Pack up a few goodies in plastic bags and leave them hanging on your neighbour’s doorknobs. Suggestions: freshly-baked bread or cookies, a good book you know they’ll enjoy, toys for the kids, you get the idea…!
Take out your neighbour’s garbage when you’re taking out your own. Take the cans/bins back at the end of the day, when you’re taking your own back. Make this a habit, particularly if your neighbours are handicapped in some way.
Do you have a friend who is down? Why not buy them a faceted crystal for their window? It may not cure depression, but it’s just so much harder to be sad when you have a hundred or so rainbows running about the room!
On recycle garbage day, take a walk around the block and put out all the recycle boxes that got forgotten. At the end of the day, take another walk and put them all back. Your neighbours will probably be wondering how their boxes walked to the curb and back!
If you know that a poor friend of yours needs something but is too proud to take it, trade! Ask for something to finish off your stamp collection, or help you broom up those old leaves, or feed your pets, something that won’t take any effort for them to part with. Then offer the thing they need in return.
Pull your kids off the Nintendo and instill a sense of kindness in them by enlisting their help in packaging food and clothing for anonymous giving to needy neighbours.
Extend your neighbourhood and start a penpal club. Be brave… choose your penpals from countries that are wartorn or suffering from catastrophes.
